Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer
Wow “Commitment”, THAT word! When I hear it, I put on my trainers, lace them up tight, and run as hard and as fast as I can in the opposite direction. To me, to commit to something means .…caught, stuck, burdened, forever maybe? losing a big part of myself, trapped. Wow, it is such a big, strong word. But it can mean different things depending on what it is I am committing to. I feel I am very good at committing to certain things in life so long as I don’t regard them as commitments. The minute I hear THAT word, I start to feel uneasy and not so much defensive of my free life but protective and hopeful, that whatever it is I am being ask to commit to, will not upset or ruin what I have. But what is it that is sooo important to me and I am afraid to lose? In a nutshell, it is “My Time”. This is something which I feel is incredibly important to me, and I have to make sure I can slot it into my life somewhere.
When I do achieve this “My Time”, I am possibly the world’s “all time greatest” procrastinator. I relish and look forward to having time to myself sooo much, that often, when I have it, I begin work on some of the most mundane, boring, uninspiring tasks I have had mounting up on me over the way. For instance, I live in a rather ramshackle rental, and in my newly acquired “My Time”, I decided to: paint the laundry floor
paint the back room
sand, paint and re-hang the doors
weed, dig up and destroy the kikuyu and couch lawn
Who cares? Who really cares?
I whittle away the beautiful, calming, relaxing and cherished moments very easily, then get organised for my next shift.
I decided a month ago to work one day a week less and devote that day to me. So far I have managed to book appointments at my dentist (apparently I need major work), my surgeon (for my shoulder), and have picked up an extra shift at my second employment. Here I was using my beautiful, precious time to book it up with horrible appointments or extra work.
I need to stop…take stock and keep my Fridays free.
I have found one of my biggest challenges was not telling family members and friends that
I have stopped working on Fridays. I felt that if I could just keep that secret long enough….it would be just that : MY Fridays. I realise my inability to say “no” to people is a big problem. But now that I am aware of this fault, I have been having some fun. I have been saying “No”more often, and the joy and relief I have experienced in the odd refusal has been wonderful. I am changing. I am re-claiming “My Time”.
This idea or thought of My Time is enough to make the corners of my mouth turn upwards into an enormous, radiant smile.