Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer
My husband is really pissed off with my parents…like REALLY pissed off. He is so pissed off that he can’t stop talking to people about how pissed off he is. He talked to his boss about what they did that has so pissed him off. She validated his feelings. He told his Mum. He rang her over in Adelaide to tell her. She tried to avoid validating his feelings, instead she tried to rationalise the behaviour of my parents. He was so pissed off he disallowed her rationalisation. He brought her around to empathising with his position, even though she has her own problems.
He was so pissed off with my parents that I could not comfort him. I’ve been there so many times and my anger has shifted to resignation and a motivation to change things to prevent the behaviour from occurring again, or at least from having an adverse impact on me and my family. This is routine for me, he knows that, so he knows is validated by me, besides which, my actions in response to this most recent episode showed him. It doesn’t always work, sometimes I get really pissed off too, but it’s no use.
But what hurts me now is to see how affected he is and how it has produced such a negative response in him that affects everything and everyone around him.
“That’s what happens to me”, I thought.
“He has watched me go through the exact same process so many times”, I thought.
“How painful this is to watch and feel”, I thought.
He screamed at the kids, made each girl cry. He said they had driven him to it. I had to tell him, “My parents are pissing you off, not the kids”. Because I know. And he didn’t disagree.
“He has told me that before himself”, I thought.
“He must be feeling terrible at that realisation”, I thought. “I did too”.
He cuddled and apologised to each of the girls and told them it wasn’t their fault and that he loved them.
“I’ve done that many times too”, I thought.
“He must feel awful”, I thought.
But the girls embraced him and accepted his apology and showed him the unconditional love they have for him and I know it will melt his pain.
“He must feel wonderful now”, I thought.