Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer.
Today, has opened my mind to the possibilities, and given me clues, strategies and the confidence, which I have lacked, to move forward with my writing. The pragmatic in me, enjoyed the tips, tricks and apps needed, all great to sit down, be grounded, and bloody well, write!
The confidence to pursue this, which until recently meant, following my nose and see what happens, has worked amazingly well, to this point. Now, the game has changed, and I want, really need, to take this, far more seriously. Forget all the old fears, of not wanting, to have an agenda. Really? As a freshly minted human being, I have both the right, and the desire to make this, possible.
My greatest desire in wanting to write, is to inspire people to be, themselves. Simply that! As Catherine put it so succinctly, today, “Is it going to kill anyone?” In my case, a resounding no! I have no desire to kill anyone. A waste of time and energy, when there is a life, to be lived. When an opportunity is presented, it needs to be realised. It needs to be seized, and not discounted by the ‘shoulds and fears’ which often placate and dumb down those, who see beyond, by the smiling, shiny suits. The suits educate themselves, to be beyond the law, by playing out their fears, pain and pleasure, to control the vulnerable, simply because they can.
I passionately want to break through all that, and know, I am well on the way. Believing, if nothing is said, nothing is done. If, to sit back with a world weary view of – “It has always been that way.” Really? Bullshit! I believe anything which can be done, can be undone, with persistence, patience, experience, wisdom, discernment, and throwing in an expletive or two, such a well aimed and timed FUCK. When an awakening occurs, sleeping mountains have the capacity to effect substantial change.
Do I have your attention? Good, now to begin….
ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS, a frightened, sullen little boy, dressed in men’s clothing, digging, digging, digging. He went about his business, with the calm exterior of a well organised, functioning machine. Polished and professional, charming and covertly caring, searching and destroying, devouring everything of value, which most people would hold dear. He did this, by trapping. Observation and cunning, being the tools. Anyone and anything, which took his fancy, was game, his game!
It did not matter, what form the prey took. Like any arcade or video game, the greater the value, the higher the prize, so the conquest was best, especially dealing with the attributes of someone, most people would consider decent. The prize was inconsequential, the quest for supply was paramount, beyond that, it was meaningless amusement.
Taking this on, taking this in, scheming and plotting.
EVERYDAY, without fail, another scheme hatched, more innuendos planned dispatched, and disseminated. Stealth by silence. The web growing wider, controlled by fear and silence. Closing in – trapped! Separate, divide and conquer, isolate and manipulate, intimidate the enablers through the subtle intimidation of what you could expect, should you mix in.
ONE DAY, a woman came into range, smart and vulnerable. She knew something was wrong. Truly wrong, and not understanding the depth of fear, control, or even understanding, why it should be necessary. She, eventually became silent, troubled, questioning, wondering. Not knowing that in reality, this was the single, best strategy for her survival. The smart, young smiling suits, surrounded by fellow suits could not prise her open, to destroy her, any further. She did not realise their need, to travel in tribes, supporting each other. Now, understanding, the courage it takes to be an individual.
BECAUSE OF THAT, she went down an enormous rabbit hole, so wide, deep and long, Frightening, as there were no boundaries, no rules, no perspective. Simply chaos and nonsense. She thought the world was mad, and they continued saying, it was her. Deep down, she felt her world was mad, and it was not her.
She knew one day, she would make her way out. That was all. There was no timeline, no parameters, no tools, discussion or encouragement. Just, an unshakeable belief, something here, was not Kosher. Silence became habitual, and went onto automatic pilot. Then, began to free fall, between all the cracks in the system, silently and alone. Desperately, she thought, “When will this ever end? Why is this happening?”
BECAUSE OF THAT, the problems compounded as the diagnoses mounted, the traumas unspoken, always active and unaddressed. When will this ever end? Intention and motivation was not the problem, choice and awareness certainly was. Will this ever end?
UNTIL FINALLY, with a hollow, silent scream of desperation, she plunged into a vortex of transformation, a trajectory of healing, so complete and significantly foreign. She knew, she simply had to wade in, face the lot, and deal with whatever came, her way.
Finding out, as her silences were being revealed, instinctively, she had been right, at the most basic level. She also understood, however disadvantaged, she had been, this was her liberation. Her belief of “to everything, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Questioning again, could this be truly playing out? In retrieving the bits and pieces to create her life, craft this for herself, and return to her being, she realised, with a sickening and freeing thud – this was not her circus!