Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER.
Once upon a time there was a girl who glittered and sparkled. She sang, twirled, beamed and glowed. She played, she laughed, she took risks and was always ready for adventure. She was in control of her life and knew her worth. She felt joy and gratitude and full of possibility. Her heart was strong and kind and generous. Sometimes she felt sad. But the sadness was real and raw and honest and vulnerable. She had fears but they didn’t control her. She had worries but they were concrete and could be tackled head on and solved. And when she dreamed under the stars, her vision of the years ahead was clear and wondrous.
Every day she soared. She took risks. She was a leader. She stuck her neck out. It never occurred to her these things might be scary. She just knew she could do them. She knew she could leap and the net would be there. She never worried the branch might break because she knew her wings would do what they needed to do.
One day things started to change. A Big Challenge came her way. It lasted seven years. And although she did everything she could, it wasn’t enough. She worried more. She feared more. She thought about how other people would judge her. She wasn’t enough. She wondered if she still had wings. Could she feel them? No. Could she see them? No. She stuck the Big Challenge out and did everything she was supposed to do, but not as well as she thought she should. So she began to trickle away.
Because of that life was different. The pizazz, the sparkle, the glitter, they were all gone. She forgot she had ever had wings. And then Big Challenge Number 2 came along. Oddly, it also lasted seven years. Again she did her best but it didn’t feel enough. The stakes were higher than they had ever been but she felt like she failed. She had lost control. There were no wings and no net.
And because of that she tried to control anything she could. She tried to control all.the.little.things because she couldn’t control the big things. She couldn’t nurture herself and her wings were long-forgotten. Instead she worried about dust on the floor and crumbs on the bench. The dirty toilet and the leaning towers of laundry. All she could see were the little things that didn’t matter but felt important. Why did they feel important? Because they were in her control.
Until finally she said ‘FUCK THIS’. She bowed before ancient rocks. She felt the warmth of the sun on rocks so old her head hurt thinking about it. And she forgave herself. She decided: from now on my life is about wings, not crumbs. She knew what mattered and she knew what she needed to do. So she did it.