Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER.
Here she is … given the hardest test ever …. her husband and lover of 16 years took his life.
He did not “commit” suicide” as it was HIS life, so how can it be a crime? It was simply his way to die, one way of many. He would have not been allowed to leave if it was not the end of his path here on earth. He went back home and yes he left me behind.
Every test comes with a gift but there is a space between the test and receiving of the gift. The gap is filled with waves of emotions, the roller coaster of grief and much insight and learning about my self.
How do you handle a true challenge?
Do you let your self fall, feel sorry and look back with regret? Do you feel like the victim?
Do you get up to start waking one step at a time into the future? Do you trust into a bigger picture?
The direction (past or future) is yours to choose – but remember the gifts are given in the future.
I got up 9 months ago, first simply in shock carried by dear friends. I knew there is a much bigger picture to this as there always is. One step at a time, one step at a time, Martina simply walk!
The waves of grief are still hitting. I am learning to float better and let them to pass through using their force to allow my emotions to surface. Emotions want to be felt and acknowledged, that’s all they want. Feeling is healing and healing is feeling.
You don’t fight waves (of grief and of the ocean) as you will never win or be able to tame them. Waves are waves, they are neither good nor bad, they come and go. The trick is to learn how to ride them so it becomes play … in intertwining of challenge & joy of moving on … riding the waves of life and the ocean … learning to stay balanced, centered and adjust to what the ocean brings and gain wisdom in the process.
Michael’s suicide threw me right back to myself. I am all I have and I am precious. I can safe, change and develop myself in the big ocean of life. I can only gain wisdom & strength.
Watching the waves taught me so much. They roll in, the have a peak and they have an end …. every wave has … the secret is to learn how to ride the waves and to see them as gift and not as an enemy.
So I moved to the ocean (Anglesea, Victoria) and I am currently learning to surf.
The mosaic of life got shattered into 1000000 pieces but one large piece was in between whole and happy – my work which you can find under www.naturesartmelbourne.etsy.