Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER
The first time those fucking hipsters turned up at the corner I tried to ignore them. All bloody beards, pony tails and perfume. Their chicks all looked like lesbians. My mates a real lesbian. She reckons lesbians invented hipsters and they’re all just imposters. They think they are so bloody cool. Soy decaf latte drinking wankers. Like those chicks getting around with dreadlocks, torn overalls and a half naked baby on their hips getting in and out of their fucking Mercedes four wheel drives. Yummy mummies, pretending to be something else.
Whatever happened to authenticity? In the event of an emergency, face the wall and breathe. I can feel my blood boiling whenever I see them. These used to be my streets, filled with my people. Drug addicts, prostitutes, down and out alcoholics and the homeless. It was our beach, our strip. Then the yuppies moved in, the yummy mummies, the hipsters. In fact, I think the yummy mummies and the yuppies bred the fucking hipsters.
They look at us like we’re scum, dirtying up the streets. We built this fucking place mate! See that building there, where you park your Porsche? That’s where my mate made a living in her back shagging people like your daddy, when your mummy didn’t want to put out for him. So, you’re not so different really. Their smug fucking faces make me want to fix them. Where is the dog? That’s what we’ll do. We’ll get Buster and sharpen the knives.
Me and Jonny went out at night onto the dark streets, our streets and fucked up some of those fucking hipsters. We caught em down a way one lane. Buster stopped em from escaping, he’s good like that. Looks real mean with a snarl on, and that pale pink scar down his left cheek.
That was a bold move by Jonny stepping into the light and pinning the hipster to the wall, letting him see his mad as fuck grin whilst I sawed off the fuckers pony tail. Even had a bit of a go at his beard. Ha. Ha, ha! Now he’ll have to shave it off or look like a wanker.
Next minute his stupid girlfriend started screaming. Bitch. What is it with these chicks? All look like tough as nuts lesos, but scratch the surface and they just start bleeting. I wasn’t having none of that. The bloody hipster started crying too and then Jonny decked him. One headbutt was all it took and he was down for the count!
Then that bitch really screamed. So I just grabbed her and punched her once in that shrieking gob. Not too hard, but hard enough to shut her up. The scream turned into a little whimper. Good girl I whispered in her ear. Jonny and I looked at each other. What now it said, that look. We were daring each other.
Then I heard it. Fucking sirens. So, we ran.