A Guide for Mothers On Dealing With Their Daughter’s Disclosure of Sexual Abuse – Laura

Gunnas-Masters

Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer

CatherineDeveny_Gunnas_LauraA Guide for Mothers On Dealing With Their Daughter’s Disclosure of Sexual Abuse, From A Daughter Who Wishes Things Had Gone Differently.

  1. Believe her.

  2. Hold her.

  3. Cherish her humanity. Revere her vulnerability.

  4. Tell her you are proud of her. Mean it.

  5. Look at her. Really look at her; deep into her eyes, those eyes you looked into moments after she came out of your body; those eyes you know better than your own. Look at her quietly, gently, but try to do it with strength. It will be painful to realise how much you have missed in her. Look anyway.

  6. Hold her, but stay attuned to her. If you’re not sure, ask her. If she says ‘no’ to you, respect her. But keep asking.

  7. Don’t be afraid of her.

  8. Ask her what happened, but never demand it from her. She may not ever tell you, but ask anyway.

  9. Hold her again. Feel her body against yours. Remember that terrible things have happened to that body. Remember that you have the power to fix some of the damage, simply by holding her. She will cherish the sound of your heartbeat, the quiet strength of your hands, and the smell of you, which she has known since birth.

  10. Believe her.

  11. Feed her food she loves.

  12. Remember that if she’s had to tell you, you have missed or ignored one of the most painful experiences of her life. Remember this, then repeat Steps 1-12.

  13. Educate yourself. Look after yourself. Her faith in you will flourish if you show her that you care enough to read, to ask questions, to seek help. She will admire you for it, and she will learn from it.

  14. Smile at her often. Mean it. Don’t force her to smile back.

  15. Make sure she has a safe place to sleep. Try to respect that this may not be near you.

  16. Give her books and/or music that will make her smile. Ask her if she would like to go to see a film, or to the theatre. Make it okay for her to say ‘no’.

  17. Believe her.

  18. Don’t forget about her.

  19. Hold her hand tightly if she goes to the police station, or the hospital. Hold it tight enough so that she knows she will not lose you, but gently enough so that she knows she can still walk on her own.

  20. Remember that the way you treat her now will tell her what kind of mother you are. The way you treat her now will teach her what being a mother means. Try not to disappoint her.

  21. Remind her that she has fought for her life, and that she deserves to live.

  22. Never wake her when she’s sleeping, but be sure to watch her sleep sometimes. The way you look at her when she sleeps will tell her what you really think of her.

  23. Believe her. Love her.

  24. Hold her. Don’t let go. It will be incredibly painful to hold her; but please, don’t let go.

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