I think this may be my favorite of podcasts so far, a great chat on mastubation and sex toys. Welcome to the fourth in our series of six podcasts on sex with sex therapist, sex educator, sexologist and founder of Pleasure Salon Melbourne Cyndi Darnell, who you may have heard on TripleJ Hack.
In this half hour we discuss all the different types of sex toys available, where do get them and how to use them along with a cracking chat on mastubation, which, as we all know it one of the most fun, valuable, healthy and beautiful things in the world. We talk about why it’s so important.
Sound production by Anthony Artmann who is also a Multimedia Developer and Audio Visual Guru. Send him an email if you need a mild mannered, can do genius. And swing past Cyndi’s website if you want to find out more about what she does, book an appointment or bone up on Pleasure Salon. I hope you don’t die and I hope you get laid. Dev x
Lifelong hetrosexual monogamy is not possible or healthy for most people. The religious oppression, social critque and financial restrictions that made it the default setting for centuries have been dismantled, disolved and diluted. So if not monogamy then what?
Welcome to the third in a series of six podcasts on sex with sex therapist, sex educator, sexologist and founder of Pleasure Salon Melbourne Cyndi Darnell, who you may have heard on TripleJ Hack.
Today we talk about open relationships, non monogamy and polyamory, what the difference is, how they work and why it’s a great fit for some.
Sound production by Anthony Artmann who is also a Multimedia Developer and Audio Visual Guru. Send him an email if you need a mild mannered, can do genius. And swing past Cyndi’s website if you want to find out more about what she does, book an appointment or bone up on Pleasure Salon. I hope you don’t die and I hope you get laid. Dev x
A massive thanks to the over 2000 people who listened to our first Let’s Talk About Sex Podcast last week. Cyndi, Anthony and I were delighted and overwhelmed by the response. Who knew vaginas were so popular! As you can see you can now subscribe with iTunes or RSS. Click and go!
Welcome to the second in a series of six podcasts on sex with sex therapist, sex educator, sexologist and founder of Pleasure Salon Melbourne Cyndi Darnell, who you may have heard on TripleJ Hack last week.
This week our podcast is about anal sex, particularly aimed at the straights.
Anal sex has become much more mainstream in the straight community and a heap of people are keen to have a stab or find out how to do it safely. I know plenty of anal curious straights and some who have tried it unsuccessfully before and are keen to explore ‘potting the brown’ armed with some hints and tips. It’s not for everyone and there are a few things you do need to know but there are plenty of anal enthusiasts out there and there’s a good reason for that. Have a listen and let us know what you think.
In making these podcast my aim is always the sex educaton I would like my kids to have and the idea of sex education for adults. Not about disease and pregancy, we all know that. But about the pleasure, creativity and fun that sex is all about.
Sound production by Anthony Artmann who is also a Multimedia Developer and Audio Visual Guru. Send him an email if you need a mild mannered, can do genius. And swing past Cyndi’s website if you want to find out more about what she does, book an appointment or bone up on Pleasure Salon. I hope you don’t die and I hope you get laid. Dev x
Okay. This is the first in a series of six podcasts on sex I’ve recorded with sex therapist, sex educator, sexologist and founder of Pleasure Salon Melbourne Cyndi Darnell. We will be posting a podcast once a week for the next six weeks (join my mailing list for an early heads up.) Topics in the series include masturbation, sex toys, porn, polyamory and anal sex. I’m thrilled with and proud of the podcasts which I hope will lead to world peace one orgasm at a time.
Sound production by Anthony Artmann who is also a Multimedia Developer and Audio Visual Guru. Send him an email if you need a mild mannered, can do genius. And swing past Cyndi’s website if you want to find out more about what she does, book an appointment or bone up on Pleasure Salon Melbourne. Come along to next week’s Pleasure Salon Melbourne’s February Gathering celebrating sex-positive erotic films, feminism and pornography. I’ll be there. We hope you don’t die and we hope you get laid.
Noni Hazelhurst, Ethel Chop, Clementine Ford, Emilie Zoe Baker, Nelly Thomas, Stella Young, Anna Krien, Jess Maguire and me all talking bikes at for Melbourne Bike Fest. Will sell out. Please come.
Hey my darlings, Daniel Burt, writer, comedian and sex pest dropped into the Atheist Kibbutz deep in the heart of The People’s Republic Of Moreland and we had a stouch about Kyle Sandilands. Have a listen…..
I live in The People’s Republic of Moreland… and have done for 18 years. It’s diversity galore! Old Aussies, Greeks and Italians, huge Middle Eastern and asylum seeker populations, and now heaps of Indonesian and Malaysian folk too – as well as hippies, yuppies, students and nutters. It’s an incredibly vibrant, loving melting pot of ideas and cultures. I find white suburbs like Balwyn and Kew really creepy and incredibly stunted. They give me the willies.
Last week I sent a picture of myself in my bathers/togs/swimsuit/cossie to my mate Mia Freedman at Mama Mia with the subject line, ‘I’m 80kg, size 16, I run, swim, cycle, strip of and shag at every opportunity’ after she wrote a piece about women being too body conscious to swim at a pool party. We did a little interview you can read here. It went off.
This lead to feminista, bon vivant and notorious boner killer Clementine Ford to write this cracking piece for The Drum.
Clem and I got together on Saturday here at The Atheist Kibbutz deep in the heart of The People’s Republic Of Moreland and banged on a bit about it thus (yes I just said thus) creating my first podcast! Have a listen and and I hope it gives you a big fat happy. The podcast is called Stay On Your Flower. It’s explained why at the end. In our next podcast we’ll be banging on about porn and why it’s crucial we encourage young girls to masturbate early and often.
Here’s another great piece on the topic by Pip Lincoln who also has an awesome site, craft, food, cool stuff. And just in ANOTHER ripper piece by Pip on the subject.
Arecent studysuggests women who dress provocatively are likely to be criticised by their peers amid fears they pose a threat to those in otherwise monogamous relationships.
****JUST IN! A cracking piece by my darling Clementine on body hate.
Not only have I never heard of skinny bashing but I can’t see how any rational person could accuse me of attempting to elevate the curvy body shape above others in the interview. These chinless mouth breathers prove, yet again, some people can’t or don’t read or just like to find fault or feel victimised for any reason. My point was and is that there are many other gorgeous body shapes than the one presented by the media. Mine is just one. And I love it. There are others. Feel free to love, cherish and flaunt yours. Just don’t feel you have to starve yourself and be grumpy to love up to something that’s not you. And no, it wasn’t brave and I wasn’t nervous at all. And I did not approve or agree with the ‘still’ in the line ‘I’m-80kg-and-still-happy’. Happy. Rapt. Not still. Not despite. No qualifications.
Great people do things. Average people talk about doing things. Small people find fault with other people doing things.
My reference to ‘some men will always prefer curvy’ was simply again addressing the myth there is only one type of desirable, acceptable and healthy body shape (says fucking who?), men are the only ones attracted to women’s body shape (hello ladies who love perving at and / or sexing other ladies!), sexual attraction is the only yardstick to judge body shapes (what?) that the sexual attractiveness is is defined by some invisible infallible commitee (sorry, you don’t exists) and people are only attracted to one type of body shape (any person can be attracted to many and varied types.)
The photo was taken by my mate Carla. It was never intended for publication. Just fun. Months ago. There was no fake tan, no personal trainer, no handwringing. I wore lipstick and that’s all. I hadn’t even had a shower. Had I known the journey this snap would take I would have worn mascara, painted my toenails, brushed my hair and my teeth. We were not making a point. Just taking a photo. We took many that day. Different outfits. Different poses. It wasn’t about me in my bathers. But that was one of shots I had so I sent it off.
Heaps of positive (but unnecessary) feedback. I must admit was amazed by the viciousness of the trolls. Self hating haters. Poor things. So glad I’m not them. Who are these voices in their heads and how did they get there? And why do they feel so compelled to inflict them on other women? These are THE RULES! This is THE TRUTH. You are WRONG! Change or apologize.
I’ve come up with a term to explain how women particularly (but not exclusively) undermine those who stray from the pressure of expectation they themselves feel crippled by, ‘ego policing‘.
As my friend Kelly said ‘There’s nothing more people hate than a woman who’s happy with herself’.
Yesterday we received an email from Catherine Deveny. It was a photo of her in bathers. She was miffed. WHEN, she asked, are women going to stop worrying? She’d read this post on and she wanted to stage a coup on dissatisfaction. We asked her a few questions.
Q: You’re sick of the constant portrayal as skinny as the ‘only’ desirable body type. You wanted to say something about female bodies?
A: There will always be men who love big, voluptuous, buxom, ba-boom ba-boom women. They always have and always will and they will NEVER go out of fashion despite what media would have the gullible believe.
Any suggestion otherwise is people manipulating the world to make women feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I was watching the ARIAs the other night and every single one of the women looked exactly the same. Skinny, manicured, fake tan, fake teeth, fake tits. Same, same, same, same, same with the exception of Clare Bowditch. She was stunning, glowing and gorgeous.
I was in a supermarket once and I saw this skinny, withered old woman, maybe 75, flicking through at a magazine called Slimmers or something and I wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say “When are you going to stop worrying? You are good enough.”
If women look at any of the stats or any of the scientific research about sexual attraction, men will always find the slightly overweight woman more attractive than the slightly underweight woman.
Q: So bigger can also be sexy then.
A: It’s not all about sexual attraction. It’s about health and confidence and enjoyment of life! I was perved at by two women the other day. I went into Babka’s the other day and a woman I sort of knew came up and said hello. Then another woman I sort of knew joined us. The both admitted they were checking out my ‘awesome curves’ and then realised it was me.
Even today I have ridden 20km, ran 6km and had a shag before I got up and I’m looking forward to having a Mars Bar mud cake for dessert tonight.
It’s only about health to me. Women today never heard anything positive said by other women about their bodies when they were growing up. And even now that’s the case, it’s just constant negativity. This mantra of NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Q: Do you think women feel they constantly need to apologise for the way they look?
A: Well I am not apologetic. I LOVE and constantly flaunt my 80 kilo size 16 bod. Tight dresses, short skirts and tits out on a daily basis. I love my 80kilo size 16 bod! I run, cycle, swim, strip off and shag whenever I have the opportunity.
Q: You’re not a fan of bullshit. Where does all this body image ‘bullshit’ come from?
A: I don’t have any daughters to encourage a healthy body image with and the only thing you can do really is set a good example. But I see little girls all the time, constantly told they are ‘pretty’ or ‘isn’t she beautiful’ or alternatively a ‘big girl’ or ‘not much to look at.’ But never the boys. I have sons and their looks are rarely mentioned. Yet it’s all I hear about girls. Let me make one thing really clear. Never ever, ever, ever, ever comment on a little girl’s looks. Tell her anything else. Tell her that she is resilient, that she has a good brain, that she has a strong sense of social justice, she’s strong, brave, a good tryer, has great business skills, fantastic critical thinking but NEVER comment on her looks.
You are not good enough. That’s the only message girls get from the media.
Here’s the message little girls need. It doesn’t matter what people think about how you look. It only matters how you feel about yourself.
Q: But have you felt just as happy when you were thinner?
A: Twice in my life I have lost a lot of weight. When I suffered depression and when I had cancer. I looked sick, like a cadaver. Yet strangers would tell me how amazing I looked when I was at my most unwell.
You are never going to know the happiest we are to your eye. You are never going to know the best we are to your eye. It is not about that. It is about being healthy.
I see people look back on photos of themselves and say “Look how skinny I was and to think I thought I was fat.”
Guess what people, that might be today. How you look today you may look back on and wish you hadn’t spent all that time worrying because another you, an older, fatter, skinnier, more secure you may think the way you look today is perfect.
Q: Right, let’s talk advertising and media then. What’s up with the fetishism around women’s bodies?
A: Advertising and media industries sell dissatisfaction. They need to say ‘you are not good enough’ in order to make you buy stuff. They have a vested interest in making sure this happens. It is disease-mongering. That’s what it is.
Choose love. Choose satisfaction. Choose you. You are gorgeous. Someone out there would KILL to look like you.
Ricki-Lee on the cover of Maxim – heavily air-brushed
Q: Having said all of this, does this make the case of Ricki-Lee’s weight loss a tragedy of pressure? Or is she just doing what she wants?
A; Look I’m not a fan. But I’m not not a fan. I think she’s a gutsy girl and I liked the look of her. From what I’ve read in magazines in doctor’s surgery waiting rooms she hasn’t had it easy and pulled through. Then I saw the photos of her after she lost all that weight and she looks unrecognisable … but she looked just like everyone else. I’m glad she’s happy, if she is, but I just wish it was a different kind of happy for her. We liked her so much because she was NOT like them but had the confidence to be herself not to subscribe to some unattainable, cookie cutter image dreamed up by people who want women to hate themselves and each other. Never thin, blonde or tanned enough. Hungry, grumpy and worried. No thanks.
Just. Say. No.
Me? I like my body to be like a statue. Like architecture. Majestic, recognisable, sturdy and healthy. I have never wanted a cookie-cutter body.
Women who are trying to live up to the warped media construction of ‘perfect’ cooked up solely to breed and fertilize dissatisfaction in order to sell stuff are hungry, cranky and worried all the time. There are millions of different shapes and sizes and they are all beautiful. There is no one perfect size. Let’s celebrate that.
Q; And the people who called Lara Bingle fat?
A: The whole Lara Bingle thing, I saw this happy, healthy bird on this poster and something like ‘Lara upset by fat taunts’ and I thought ‘who are these people and why are they calling her fat’? What’s in it for them? They should be stripped down and photographed.
Lara Bingle on the cover of Who magazine
Q: So, what’s the message then? What does it all come down to for you?
A: I find it sad bordering on offensive women who are size 10 or 12 saying they are fat. Why do you by this dissatisfaction?
I don’t want women to feel like they are trapped in a body they don’t want. And that goes both ways. If you want to be less hungry and grumpier get curvier, eat a little more and exercise less, if you want to be thinner than what you are now, do the opposite. If you are not happy, change. And don’t blame anyone else for it. Own your body. That goes for addiction too. Own what you put into it and what you want it to be. Do you want it to wobble? Do you want it to be hungry? Your choice.
Sometimes I think “There are people out there and if they had my body they’d think they were too fat and others who would be rapt and think they were skinny. It’s all a matter of perspective.” I LOVE that new campaign ‘healthy is the new skinny.” I was so sad to hear the number one thing women and girls want is to lose weight.
Have a pie, go for a walk and look around at the world. You are good enough. And there are plenty of more interesting, fun, valuable and life affirming things you can be doing than being a slave to dissatisfaction.
There have been people who have been very vocal about my body confidence. Basically saying I didn’t have the right to feel as confident with my body as I am. Not playing the game is very threatening for people. I don’t lie down in the chalk outline drawn for me.
Women with body shapes like mine are rarely seen in the media, but when they are people make a big fizz (Adele, Kate Cebrano, Mad Men’s, Christina Hendricks, Marilyn Monroe). I’ll let you in on a secret, we’re never hungry and we never short of lovers.
I’m astonished but not at all surprised by the profound selfishness and complete lack of thought displayed when you parked your car this morning.
I say not surprised because anyone purchasing a dangerous antisocial monster truck like you have (that, like 80% of 4WDs, never leave the metropolitan area and are involved in three times as many collisions, speeding fines, drink driving convictions and failure to wear seatbelt infringements. And as far as backing over toddlers is concerned 4WDs have the game stitched up) would not be known for their thoughtfulness or intelligence.
Nothing that says provincial loser more than a 4WD Mazda.
I’m sure you think your car makes you look wealthy. It doesn’t. It makes you look poor. It makes you look like an insecure, aspirational, loser. It makes you look like a poor person trying to look rich. Like a little girl walking round in mummy’s high heels with lipstick smeared on her face thinking she looks like a grown up. Successful and/or wealthy people would not be seen dead in a car like that. Tacky. Gauche. Vile. How do I know? I am one.
This spot regularly fits two medium sized cars. Medium sized cars owned by residents of this street and people who visit them. Take a look around. Most people in our street do NOT have driveways. And most have only one car. Many have small children, are elderly and some have a disability.
You’ve managed to park your car so as to take up TWO car parking spots when you could easily fit into one. And yet only three doors up there are over 20 parallel parking spaces. Empty spaces. There should be public recognition for that level of narcissism.
And this is not the first time. You are a serial offender. Over the years every time I see your suburbanite shrine on wheels I’m reminded of the TISM lyrics, ‘You’re only ever five yards away from a fuckwit.’
I will root Tony Abbott backwards if you own a tent, have ever towed a horse float or own a boat. You work in the area and apparently park near houses for ‘safety and shade.’
I am certain you have a driveway and perhaps a double garage where you live for the cars you need to drive to Chadstone, Fountain Gate, Knox, Highpoint or whatever cathedral of greed you visit to buy stuff you don’t need with money you don’t have to impress people you don’t like. And you need that double garage to store all your stuff in. Mouth breathing, chinless food tubes existing only to consume. You are nothing but wetware.
Feel free to continue to display your profound lack of thought and complete disregard for others when you park here in our street. It reminds us why we ride bikes, drive the cars we do, and have chosen to live here. A place you would never want to live. And not because the houses don’t have en suites for Diesal, Taylah and Beyonce but because ‘it’s full of Muslims, gays and boatpeople.’ Give me boat people over car people like you any day.
Let me guess? Caroline Springs?
I couldn’t help noticing the crucifix hanging from your rear vision mirror. Sucked in. God is not real. You are not his special friend. There is no heaven.
“To the common man religion is true, to the wise it is false, and to the rulers it is useful.” That’s a quote from Seneca. No, he doesn’t play for Carlton.
Enjoy the next seasons of MasterChef, The Biggest Loser and Packed To The Rafters. And don’t forget to pick up the Herald Sun on the way home. You better hurry! You don’t want to miss A Current Affair.
