Category Archives: COLUMNS

Am I A Bogan?

Recent questions from my 11 year old.

‘Mum, did you know Jewish people don’t have Christmas, they have ‘Handidcap’?’

‘Do penguins have feathers?’

‘What is flotsam and jettison? Is it like bowing and scraping? The bowing I get but what’s with the scraping?’

‘Why do dogs in the country not wear collars? Is it that farmers think collars are like jewellery and they don’t want their dogs to look gay?’

Yesterday he asked, ‘Mum, how do you tell if someone’s a bogan?’

I grew up in a big poor family. We lived in a housing commission house in a suburb that was the butt of jokes (our suburb LOVED being the punchline, it made us feel famous)

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Save Money, Don’t Marry

A recent study found over 97% of people think it’s the man’s job to propose. Is that 50 shades of WTF right there or what?

Only 2.8 percent of women said they’d “kind of” want to propose, but not a single man indicated he’d prefer that arrangement. Notably, not a single male or female, “definitely” wanted the woman to propose.

97%? How is that going to work with all the gays and lesbians who’ll be tying the knot any day now when the world catches up with the fact marriage is a mistake everyone should have the right to make? How does that fit with feminism, equality and encouraging women to choose their life and live it their way?

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My best advice on happiness.

I met Waleed when my hot water service blew up. There’s never a good time for your hot water service to explode, but this particular time in my life could not have been worse. I was broke, sick, heartbroken and not getting much work.

The life of a hot water service is about ten years so it’s not one of those things people put money aside to cover. People generally end up having to raid their savings, borrow from buddies or max out their plastic. However you look at it, it’s not ideal. It’s a pain in the bum.

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Guitar Lessons. I pay because it shames me into practicing…

023 imagesI totally sucked at my guitar lesson last night. Don’t try to sugar coat it. I was appalling. I was an embarrassment to my family, my country and myself.

How a 45 year old who has studied music at tertiary level could make a beautiful mellow hollow bodied semi-acoustic Ibanez sound like an 8 year old thrashing away at their first plastic ukulele is a cross between a mystery and an abomination.

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Bettina Arndt. Where do I start?

021 large_m1715885Where do I start?
Bettina Arndt wrote this today about The Unspoken Truth About Marriage
According to Bettina, sex therapist turned lunatic, marriage is often dismissed as ”just a piece of paper”, but it does make a difference because magic.

Today’s cry for help is a confirmation bias response to a British High Court judge saying last week ‘Couples should not have children if their relationship is not stable enough to merit getting married.’ Because he’d know. Being a rich, white, middle aged, middle class straight or straight acting, god fearing or pretending male.
Bettina, just a few things…

1. Marriages may last longer because people are TRAPPED in them due to social critique, religious oppression, financial control, fear, lack of imagination and co dependence.

2. Unmarried parents who separate may be giving their children the best example of healthy relationships possible. ‘Guys it’s about reality, and this is not how I thought this movie would end. Let’s get to the best possible place with the least amount of damage.’
Not ‘suck it up regardless. That’s commitment’.

3. Just because your relationship is ‘stable’ that does not mean marriage is the next ‘merit’. Marriage is not levelling up. I would argue it’s levelling down. We don’t go ‘well it appears the relationship is stable. Now we must marry.’

4. Many of us don’t marry not because we are fickle or in uncommitted relationships or that the fellas don’t ask us but because we think it’s a crock of shit. I know! Bitches be cray
cray!
Marriage is no guarantee, no magic wand. Guess what Bettina? Marriage was invented love wasn’t. And it was invented to oppress and control women and children and pass money, titles and property from men to other men. That’s all.
When people marry they are far more likely to default setting to the 1950s model. Women change surname, children get the father’s name, man works full time women part time, joint bank account, unpaid domestic duty and childcare carried disproportionately by the female etc….

5. ‘Children may suffer family breakdown’. Because it’s always suffering isn’t it Bettina? And no children suffer, are traumatised, caused huge damage by parents who stay together?

6. Just people choose not to buy into a sexist, homophobic institution because it’s doesn’t work and it’s a shocking example to our children ‘stay together whether you like it or not’ doesn’t mean we are ‘casualisation of relationships involving children’. What we are saying is marriage is a crock.

7. Quoting Pope Francis? Seriously? The Catholic Church is a wealthy, powerful, international child sex ring run by virgins, child molesters and paedophiles.

8. I can’t speak for everyone but marriage is not worthy of my relationship. Not only is marriage a sentance, not a word, it’s a fucking institution.
You need to get out more Bettina, you are disappearing further and further up your own arse. Your relevance deprivation is causing a tantrum with reality that is very, very sad.

Looking fot the perfect Christmas gift? You just found it. A Gunnas Writing Masterclass.
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Leaked email from Total Rush Boss Simon Coffin

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Photo by Jesse Booher

Good morning from the Pushy Women,

Last night someone involved in cycling for many years who describes themeselves as ‘as far from a feminist as possible’ sent me  a leaked group email from Total Rushs’ Owner Simon Coffin with this note…

“Personally, I am a little more than disgusted with his attitude and lack of responsibility for his actions.  He publicly makes a half assed apology and then in private continues to protest his innocence in all matters, then calls others hypocrites.”

From: Simon

Sent: Sunday, 8 December 2013 11:48 PM

To: All

Subject: Re: SKCC 8.12.13

Hey guys,

Thanks CJ for your up date on The racing today. Everyone did a fantastic job!

Francine and I rode up Mt Buller with Gerro and the chainreaction crew today.  Not my best day on the bike but I’m on my way back!  Just kept thinking about all those people that bagged me. Love it!

Personally it’s been a tuff few days! Between us, it was my wife and sister in-law that thought it was a great idea to paint these chicks. But I’ll take the flack.

I really appreciate all your support and racing effort over the weekend.  Especially DK’s snag photo. Lol.

I’ve been through some times in my life and you only learn from it. You soon find out who your friends are!

If it was easy to win or be the best everyone would be doing it. Only the very  few have the ability to be the best!  That’s us!!! I love a challenge, it’s when I do my best work, so bring it on!!!

Stand tall and proud! I am!!!

All these people who think what we did was inappropriate are full of shit!! With double standards!  

I know of at least one person that didn’t back me that has posted naked photos on line and says what we did was inappropriate ! Please!

We had the 2 busiest days over the weekend and the 2 biggest sales went to women. Both saying they supported us! Spent 30k!!  Boom!

Fuck the feminist!! If you don’t like it then don’t follow us!

Regards,

Simon Coffin.

0400676XXX

Rush Cycling Group. 0394210070

 

 

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Dear Total Rush Bikes,


Thanks for your hilarious ‘statement’ (WOW! BROKEN LINK! YOU HAVE TAKEN THE STATEMENT DOWN! Lucky we still have some of it here)  endorsing your decision to use topless women or as you call them ‘body artists’ to advertise your bike shop. Or as we call it Douche Bag Central.

A few quick questions.

1. Why no male ‘body artists’?

2. Why were the female ‘body artists’ both young, thin and sexualised with stilletoes and lingerie? Why not different body shapes and ages? Blundstones and Cottontails anyone?

3. What were you attempting to communicate about your brand with the choice of naked women in stilletoes and lingerie to promote bike riding when there were so many other alternatives? Was there a ‘happy ending’ door prize?

4. if you’re totally cool with your decision to employ topless women in lingerie to promote your bikes and no one was offended why have you;

018 Totalrusha. Taken the photos down? (Don’t worry I have gone to the trouble of put them back up in order showcase how you ‘support women’s cycling’)

b. Deleted all the comments disagreeing with your ‘artistic decision’?

c. Disabled the ratings system on your Facebook page?

d. Refuse to post any of the negative reponses to your ‘statement’?

Don’t think we don’t know your statement is full of lies.

So Simon Coffin, you decided and conferenced the idea of women in body paint and people having their photo taken with them to promote your business, found the ‘body artists’, booked them, told everyone, paid for them, had them on the run down and no one said anything at any point during those weeks like ‘not a good look dude?’

Seriously? I smell bullshit.

And by the way, many people were uncomfortable and/or offended. As you well know.

And ‘tasteful’ is a very interesting way to spell ‘tacky’.

We’re very disappointed there was no Harry Connick Jr to speak up about it on the night. If there was he certainly would have had a place in Feminist Heaven.

5. My final question. How stupid do you think we all are? Supporting women’s cycling is not the same thing as a cynical marketing exercise to sell women bikes.

I love your last line explaining you simply ‘tolerate’ women as oppose to seeing them as equals. You prove our point better than we ever could. So too the way you won’t stand for the ‘blatant abuse of women’, so a bit of abuse is okay then?

Women and girls are fellow bike riders not handlebar ornaments or human garnish.

019 totalrushHot enough for you?

Enjoy the publicity.

I’m sure you’ll sell heaps of bikes, to douche bags. Like yourselves.

For people who are not into supporting misogynists cavemen we are suggesting the following for all your bike needs…

Velo Cycles

Commuter Cycles

St. Cloud

Ivanhoe Cycles

Yours,

The Pushy Women, Town Bikes, Pedal Pushers, BMX Bandettes, Dragster Babes, Girls on Wheels and Dykes On Bikes

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Bike riding and how it changed my life and saved me thousands

DSF2817“I think the girl who is able to earn her own living and pay her own way should be as happy as anybody on earth. The sense of independence and security is very sweet.” ― Susan B. Anthony

Susan B. Anthony was a feminist and American civil rights leader born in 1820. She fought tirelessly for women’s suffrage and died in 1906, 14 years before US women were given the right to vote. Read up on her, she was incredible, passionate, and ferocious and we have much to thank her for.

This is my favourite of her quotes;

“Let me tell you what I think of bicycling. I think it has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. It gives women a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a wheel… the picture of free, untrammeled womanhood.”

Cycling played a massive part in early feminism. It was because of bikes that women could travel on their own to meetings, rallies and committees. Of course, as always is the way when women attempt to emancipate, the ‘men in charge’ tried to stop women with apocalyptic rhetoric warnings if women rode bikes they would mash their reproductive organs, become manly and develop ‘bicycle face’. Seriously.

I’m a deeply passionate commuter cyclist. Not everyone can ride everywhere but more people can ride more places more often that’s for sure. Particularly women. The three things that dissuade women from riding the most are fear, fashion and family. All of which can be overcome.

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Worry warts, tightarses and control freaks

funny Meditating Dog4I have a confession to make. I’m going to write about my only regret. It’s deep, it’s embarrassing and it’s contradictory to everything I stand for. I have spent my life deprogramming myself to rid this nagging energy sucker, fun buster and life spoiler from my psyche.

Let me give you a little context first. I come from a long line of poor people and I grew up poor. Recreation and pleasure were not things that were encouraged or valued. We did them, sure. Occasionally and not with the joie de vivre that we could have. And should have. We should have switched off and let our hair down. Not felt guilty.

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Should Kids Get Pocket Money?

5I loved money as a kid. Loved saving it, smelling it, looking at it, fingering it, counting it, piling it up, piggy banks, charity tins shaken at traffic lights, plastic guide dog money boxes with slots in their head near the supermarket check out, the wooden and velvet collection plate at mass, the collection bags for school bank books, purses that snapped shut and wallets full of fragrant flat folded notes. Mmmm, I can smell it now….

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