Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER.
Once upon a time in Victoria an old man decided he had no need for his clothes. He started a nudist colony in his home so he put his old clothes in a pile on his front verandah and left them out for others to take.
That night, a few of the neighbourhood dogs came sniffing around the house, drawn to the stench of the old clothes.
One of the leading hounds, who felt the cold, decided it would be better if he wore the clothes rather than steal them, so he carefully worked out a way to put on the old suit and asked the other dogs to help dress him. Finally, just before daybreak, he was dressed in a shirt, tie and suit.
Everyday the dogs marvelled at the sight of their leader dressed like a human. Soon, word got around the humans of the neighbourhood that one of the dogs wore clothes. The dogs decided to move to the local dump, where they could hide, but people gathered around, first by foot, then as the dog’s fame grew, they drove by and children stared and pointed at the clothes dog.
Meanwhile, the old man tired of being a nudist. He was cold and alone. Nobody joined his colony so he went looking for his clothes. He looked high and low but was perplexed. Where were they?
One day, while walking around the neighbourhood, he encountered the local Brothel Madam, who noticed he was completely naked, so invited him up for free sex. It was on the house because she was so impressed by his audacity. They had sex, but because she had such a shit box, he ran away.
Because of that, he was more determined to find his clothes. He continued walking and noticed the crowds outside the dump and saw his clothes on a dog.
The man yelled “that’s mine, you varmit” and the troupe of dogs snarled and bared their fangs at him, eyeing off his naked skin.
He had to think quickly and yelled “hey dogs, how would you like to make some money?” The dogs wagged their tails. He found an old chair, some gumboots and a hat. He persuaded the dogs to come back to his house.
And because of that, he set the leading dog on the chair fully clothed and charged the crowd admission to come to his yard see the amazing clothed dog.
Soon he made enough money to buy himself some clothes and employed the Brothel Madame as his assistant. He fed all of the dogs very well and they lived a great life, until one day, the old man died of pneumonia and syphillis, no doubt caught when he was nude and after his encounter with the Madame and her shit box.
The dogs mourned the old man and removed all the clothes from the leader. They ran down the road, ready to start new adventures.
They say if you ever drive around any Victorian country town at night, look out for the ghosts of an old naked man, a brothel Madame and several dogs, one of whom is completely clothed, sitting on a chair and staring at you.