Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER
‘So where am I’ I hear you ask. Right now. Now. At just right now.
Well I’m stuck. Totally stuck. You could say I’m stuck in a rut, a loving rut, a cosy comfortable rut. Or perhaps I could say it’s a loud rut. A rut that would be nice if it was quieter. Less drama of a rut, a rut that I need to find my way out of. I must do something fast and just seriously stop listening to her talking in my head. You know, that annoying one. The one who never shuts up unless she is sleeping. The one who totally ruins my mood in the morning if I haven’t had enough sleep.
Sleep, ahhhh yes how powerful it is with its healing properties. I am not sorry to say this, sleep is not overrated. Out bodies begin to collapse if they don’t reboot. Our bodies heal when they rest while sleeping. Even though she knows all of this, she resists sleeping enough in the hope she will reach to clarity.
I wish I just wish she would shut up. I wonder could I possibly turn her off? I wonder is she connected to wifi like everything else is these days? Turning her off would free me, would take off the reigns she has on me. She stops me, hinders me, annoys me, worries me for all her personal reasons justifications and excuses. I could get more sleep for starters, oh what I could do for more sleep.
Why is she so fearful? Do I really know? Yes, of course I do. She just doesn’t wanna get hurt again. She doesn’t want to be disappointed one more time.
She yearns for a sense of certainty for once in her life. It hasn’t existed for more than two decades. She put her life in a box and placed it on the shelf a decade ago to live someone else’s dreams and visions for the sake of love. Is that what you would call love?
Moving forwards without clarity cripples her. It’s horrifying for her to not know how things will unfold as she is a perfectionist and must get things right. Are these expectations of herself a little too much? Can’t she see how much she has accomplished all by her own accord.
She knows all she needs to do is surrender. Surrender to what is showing up right now in her life, which is easier said than done of course. She has got terabytes of knowledge and wisdom, which seems to be not enough. ‘Im so lost’ she says. ‘I don’t know what to do’ she gasps. ‘I just don’t know’ she cries.
How do we expect people to figure their life out on their own with the help of guidance or without the ear of an authentic listener? Do I know who I am? What my values are? What makes me want to fly out of bed? Getting to know yourself is a journey! Discovering aspects about yourself is about having the pieces of the puzzle finally fit with many aha moments.
This adventure ride is a totally unpredictable one which uncovers your deepest fears, self-doubts, limiting beliefs and vulnerabilities. You have to be willing to face the music and have the courage to allow yourself be scared.
Maybe that’s what she needs to do. Stop waiting for certainty and clarity. Do what she can today, no matter how small of a step towards her goal it may be and get enough sleep.