Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER.
This is the lyrics to the Kendrick Lamar hit “King Kunta”, if they were sung by my grandfather, Moses Wajnberg – a holocaust survivor and resident of Elsternwick for 50 years, who made a very nice living as a tailor and spinner of phfat rhymez. In brackets are the asides sung by hype girls, which in this re-imagining would be all the old Jewish ladies who walk around Chadstone shopping centre with the nice Chinese men at 7:30 in the morning. Here we go:
[Intro]
I have many things to say!
This is my house, and you walk around like it is in fact your house!
I’m upset (verrrry upset), but I will not make a big deal
I have many questions for the nice people!
[Hook]
Nu, where were you when i was not so comfortable?
Not I am doing very nicely, and here you are!
But still people try to question me,
But I am strong and will persevere!
Nu, where were you when i was not so comfortable?
Not I am doing very nicely, and here you are!
Everyone wants to borrow money
When you have the latkes (how do you mean, latkes?)
[Verse 1]
The latkes is a metaphor for nice things!
You can smell me, I smell like latkes!
(Yes, I see this!)
I like music,
But no-one writes a nice tune today, it’s all very, em, manufactured
(We agree this is not good!)
I disclose this not wanting to offend some friends
They’re in the business, you see,
But they have lost their way!
(This, I do not like)
But maybe I will bring some change
But compromise on my principles? This is something I cannot do!
[Hook]
Nu, where were you when i was not so comfortable?
Not I am doing very nicely, and here you are!
But still people try to question me,
But I am strong and will persevere!
Nu, where were you when i was not so comfortable?
Not I am doing very nicely, and here you are!
Everyone wants to borrow money
When you have the latkes (how do you mean, latkes?)
[Verse 2]
So these latkes, they destroyed good men!
Bill Clinton, always good to the Jews,
Um, let me think
Whatever, I have been working very hard for a very long time,
I would like to see some other young men and say to them…
[Hook]
Nu, where were you when i was not so comfortable?
Not I am doing very nicely, and here you are!
But still people try to question me,
But I am strong and will persevere!
[Verse 3]
(You nudnik!)
Sometimes I feel like giving such a zatz to some of these other singers,
But them, they zatz themselves! Without my help!
This is all very easy, and yet they struggle,
Me, I am so successful I could maybe run for office?
[Hook 2]
Nu, where were you when i was not so comfortable?
Not I am doing very nicely, and here you are!
But still people try to question me,
But I am strong and will persevere!
(We want the funk! x10)
(Fade)