Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer.
So, today I bit the bullet and attended Catherine Deveny’s Gunnas writing class and it was fabulous.
A day all about a kick up my procrastinitis-bigtimus-1A, arse, inspiration and devouring plenty of fantastic food. (provided by the lovely, food ninjas at La Luna Bistro in Carlton)
On my way home I had a gazillion and twenty-nine thoughts going through my head, negative and positive, about writing and myself – Can I? Can’t I? And then, on the radio, I heard these lyrics being sung by the magnificent Kate Miller-Heidke – “I’m sick of turning it down” and a bolt of lightning hit my lead-ridden brain.
I couldn’t even hear the rest of the song because those lyrics rang so incredibly true to me, and an idea for something to write, was formed, then and there, in my car, driving along good old Punt Rd.
My entire life has seen me being told to “keep it down” or “ssshhhh” or “calm down” or asked “why do you have to be so loud?” and until quite recently these statements would slap me in the face, knock the wind right out of me and I would stop. A wee bit of background – I’m of mixed race – half Italian, half Anglo-Irish and a lot of these comments would come from the more-reserved of my clan and therefor cut me quite deeply. I would feel hurt and angry and upset, but I would stop talking and expressing myself.
I knew I needed to analyse exactly what was happening and so I sat and thought about what was really going on and a giant light-bulb moment, so bright I felt like a dumb-arse for never having seen it before occurred.
Even though other people’s reactions to my big-voiced, gregarious, outspoken, opinionated ways are their responsibility and issue, every time anyone said these things to me, what I heard was “could you please stop being you?”
A few years ago, I had the soul-stirring experience of visiting Italy, the land of my Father and his family for generations. As my partner and I drove across the border from France into Italy I could not only SEE a difference I could feel it.
We stopped at a vibrant and hectic small-town, market place and as I stood amongst all the people there, I cried.
Loud-talkers! Everywhere I looked – all I could see and hear were loud-talkers. And no matter where we went, where we sat and watched, where we sat and ate, where we sat and drank – there were passionate, demonstrative, hilarious, angry, happy, LOUD-talkers.
I found my people. I found my spiritual home. I found ME.
So, YES, actually, I AM sick of turning it down and I won’t be any more, ever again,