ORANGE RIBBON WTF! –  Tom Browell

What I had forgotten, is how good the coffee was at The Little Red Fox Cafe. So many crappy coffees over the past month had me drinking too much Coke, just for the caffeine hit. But here I was, sipping the soft brown nectar of the gods. I was totally absorbed in my brew, but then, something caught my eye – a small orange ribbon, the end of it just hanging out from the crack in the sofa cushions I was sitting on. Now I was fixated on this ribbon. Should I pull it out? No, maybe I’ll just leave it hanging there. Another sip of coffee – now it tasted ordinary – shit! OK, I thought, I’ll pull the ribbon out. I took hold of the end, looked around the café – no one was paying me any attention. The Japanese have saying about this I thought, something like “don’t look like an idiot”. So I tried to pull the ribbon out as casually and coolly as possible. It slid out about 5cm and then got stuck. Shit – again – I sipped my coffee, now it didn’t taste at all good – I gave the ribbon a gentle tug. Nothing. Sip – tug – sip – tug – sip – TUUUGGGG. I was now pulling very hard, those Japanese wouldn’t have been happy – I looked like I was having some sort of fit. I sat back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. Please help me – I said to the weird pattern that I saw up there. Then I had a thought – maybe my own body weight was trapping the ribbon. Aha! I casually stood up and sat on a chair which I had moved unnaturally close to the sofa, so that I could continue to tug away at the strange orange ribbon. I gave a gentle tug, nothing – damn. I tugged at it as hard as I could, whilst still seated, still it didn’t budge. Originally I had thought this ribbon was a lost hair tie or maybe a discarded piece of gift wrapping, but clearly it was neither of these. It was connected to something, but what? I sat back and stared at the ceiling again. Just then the waitress came past and took my cup away. I’ll have another one please – I asked – even though I knew the taste was gone. I needed more time to unravel the mystery ribbon. Next minute, everything changed. My coffee arrived, but the waitress tripped and coffee went everywhere – all over the sofa and floor – thankfully not on me! Shit! As she cleaned up the mess, she tucked the ribbon under the cushions of the sofa, so it was no longer visible – as if she knew it was there all the time. Mysterious, but now what? I got a new coffee – it was brilliant!! The best coffee I’d ever tasted. I just sat there sipping away – should I just forget the ribbon and drink my coffee? “Yes” said my brain. But I couldn’t. I started to formulate a plan to get that ribbon out once and for all. I’d drop something onto the floor, then after I moved the table to pick it up – I loved the idea – I’d kick it under the sofa. This would give me an excuse to manhandle that bloody thing! OK here goes – I dropped the teaspoon under the table – it was a low coffee table – so I had to move it to pick up the spoon. I stepped forward, whoopsy daisy, I accidentally kicked the spoon under the sofa. Now I bend down, slip my hand under the cushion, grab the ribbon and pull HARD. There’s a loud ripping sound – oooooh shit – then the ribbon starts to come out. I pull and pull and pull, so much ribbon, it is now covering the floor. I can’t stop, it just keeps coming. The other customers are pointing and laughing, but I can’t hear them, the ribbon just keep coming out, now it’s changing colours and still it comes – WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING????