Sex Is My Day Job – Nikki Cox

People ask me all the time: why did you become a sex worker?

My answer is very unoriginal, money of course! Why else does anyone accept an offer of a job? Of course it was not a conventional job but I had been hanging out with a friend who was a sex worker, so I had been exposed to the pros (pardon the pun) and cons of working in the sex industry including seeing the copious amounts of cold hard cash that she was making at that time and it was all very, very tempting.

Being around my sex worker friend made me think about a lot of questions which consumed most of my quiet time. Questions were constantly floating around inside my head and trying to answer them within myself and my moral code. I really seriously started to think about it.

The biggest internal personal quandary was – could I fuck a stranger and get paid for it? Was it right to have sex for money? What would my family and friends think? What about diseases, how did you not catch diseases? Would that mean I am a slut or just smart because I wouldn’t be going out and give it away for free at nite clubs? I was single – why shouldn’t I do it? Who says I can’t? I had so many thoughts and questions flowing through my head.

I mean I had no reason to not give it a go except my own personal inner turmoil of what was right and wrong. But who said it was wrong? But was it right? Society sets standards for us and like sheep we follow those standards without questioning them. They say sex for money is bad, it’s wrong, but why? Don’t we get final say over our body? One act, sex for money opens the door to a thousand questions.

What about my family and friends, how would they react if I went ahead and did this? My parents were older parents; I was a late in life child. I have no idea what their thoughts on sex work were. I think one of my sisters would be ok, the others maybe not and my brother, well who knows with him. We were all so far apart age wise that I really didn’t relate well to my older siblings so I wasn’t really worried about their opinions were only my one sister Karen with whom I was the closest to.

One night in 1996, the offer came to step into this unusual world, I accepted it hesitantly but with my idealistic view that I should try everything at least once in life and if I didn’t like it, well I wouldn’t do it again. Obviously it worked out well for me. Here I am almost 20 years later loving this life I have created for myself through hard work, being reliable, looking after myself and most importantly – looking after my clients!

Being a sex worker has been the most rewarding job that I have ever done, yes really it has been. There are many varying reasons why a person chooses to do sex work as a job. I can tell you that having sex or a love of sex is one of the least reasons for choosing this occupation. Many choose this work for the freedom of time and flexibility it provides. Depending on what a person’s financial goals are: you can work as little or as much you want and when you want to.

It has also opened up doors to world travel and working in foreign countries. It afforded me the time to do whatever I needed or wanted to do when I needed or wanted to do it. Full flexibility, how many jobs can offer me this?

But these are the things that are most tempting about sex work; answering to no one but myself. Working when I feel like working. Seeing clients that I only want to see. Touring around Australia, working in other states and seeing our beautiful country all the while making money. Meeting interesting people wherever I go!

Every day is a new experience for me. I meet new people every single day I work and I learn from them and they feed my soul and my thirst for knowledge about life. I have learned a lot about the world and its different cultures.

I have learned about other people’s life experiences. I’ve learned a lot about other people’s jobs. I have learned a lot about other people’s relationships and marriages.

People have invited me inside their lives and I have absorbed all this information – I have collected and collated it in my mind. I have assessed it all and have learned what is best for my life by the errors or victories that other people have discussed with me during our private time together. We are always learning, life is about learning and I’ve learned a lot! The downside of sex work though is people telling me what is right and wrong. They tell me how I should be living my life. They pass judgement on me without even knowing me. They reduce me down as a human being to what I do for work instead of who I am as a person. Stigma and discrimination is a major problem. These people attempt to brow beat me to give in to their way of thinking. Free thinking is not allowed in their perfect world and sex workers are despicable human beings who must conform to their ways or be forever judged and forever trolled on the internet by them.

What people forget is that sex workers weren’t always sex workers, at least I wasn’t. I didn’t grow up thinking or planning that I was going to be a sex worker, I grew up as other people do. I wanted to be many things. I wanted to be a ballerina – a teacher – a poet – a writer & probably a dozen other things I’ve forgotten about. What I’ve actually worked as is a shop assistant, in food & beverage, nail technician, bakery assistant, tax consultant, apprentice hairdresser, promotional model, hair & beauty salon owner and finally sex worker & brothel manager.

But sex work isn’t real work! Says who? You? Who are you to say that? Have you tried working as a sex worker? Sex work is like any other job, no correction, it’s a business like any other business. An ABN is mandatory as is GST if income goes over a certain threshold.

I hate it when people preach to me about how sex work isn’t a real job. It is a lawful occupation in Australia. It’s also a highly sustainable job through all the ups and downs of this world’s shitty economy. Sex work is an extremely stable source of income. In the last 20 years, even during the quietest of times and the global financial crisis, sex work still made more than enough money to survive on, paying a mortgage, the bills and for life’s little luxuries.

My husband who has “a real job” in a mechanical trade has been through half a dozen jobs in the time I have held one job. The employment market has been very unstable and long term employment seems to be a thing of the past. So having “a real job” is not an awesomely appealing prospect for me after watching hubby struggle to find and keep a job as well as several family members who have been in long term unemployment.

So what is sex work really about? It’s like any other labour intensive services. Skills and time are purchased by customers, that’s it, that’s what sex work is all about. My clients don’t “buy my body” – as many like to believe. I don’t sell my body, I sell my time and my skilled services. Away from the physical aspect of sex work, I run a business with all the bullshit that comes along with that. Administration duties are performed in between bookings, marketing plans are made and executed and time spent on social media because having a presence and networking on social media is a must for any business in this era.

When it comes down to the nitty gritty of sex work, people assume that I must be a nymphomaniac slut to be a sex worker and that I have orgies at my house every weekend either that or fuck off to the nearest nite club to snort cocaine and fuck any warm body available to me. So very far from the truth. My idea of a great Friday night is watching Netflix in bed – by myself. My Saturday night? Chinese food and a movie with hubby. Sex with strangers is far from my mind on my private time off work. I’m strictly a Monday to Friday whore.

Come on, it’s 2015 not the 1980’s, things have changed dramatically except for people’s perceptions and prejudices. Wake up and stop being an asshole about sex work. We live in a modern age where we have had so many advances and have accepted so many things that were taboo in the days of yore: interracial couples, homosexuality, legalisation of marijuana in some countries but many minds still stuck in the dark ages when it comes to sex work.

Yet books and films such as Fifty Shades of Grey gets a womans loins aflutter and Sex in the City made you desperately wish you could be a Samantha. Television, movies and books have helped women open up sexually, to remove inhibitions so long held on to because society has said they were bad or naughty or wrong. There is nothing wrong with being open sexually and expressing yourself this way.

When it comes to my clients; I love to see people happy. To help a person free themselves of their sexual inhibitions is a joy to me. To see them leave me with a confidence boost is a shot to my ego. To know that I have made someone’s day makes me very happy indeed.

For me, not only is sex my work but sex is also my art and I’m a fantastic artist!

The sex industry caters to all walks of life – male and female – working class to world leaders. It’s not an industry that will be stopped no matter how hard people who are against it try to – it is much larger than they are. The sex industry has been and will be around for time immemorial.