Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER.
What on earth is this. Oh god what will I do, I’ll have to tell mum, can I wait until she yells at me to clean my room and then back at her that this thing has come? My stomach is cramping, put on a smile, tell her later. How much will come out of me? Surely this is it. Tell Mum, worried everyone at school know will know. This feels like a nappy can they see a pad through my pants? What if it leaks through? No surely that won’t happen. Don’t know how to get rid of the pad when it’s finished. Mum says “there is no bin in the bathroom so put the used one in the kitchen bin” but I’m embarrassed I don’t want anyone to know. Do I just walk around with this thing? Put a used pad in my bag at my friend’s house and forget about it. Realise my bag stinks. Year 8 swimming class, a few of us girls sit out coz we are on “monthly” teacher says that’s no excuse, use a tampon get in the pool. Mum goes berserk “don’t tell my daughter to do that” but I don’t want to swim in front of the boys anyway, it’s a good excuse. At my boyfriend’s house in year 10, get my period. Fuck will he still want me to sleep over on “shark week”? So dizzy coz I’m barely eating anyway unbearable cramps at school. “Stop whinging” says male math teacher, I push through. Get up in music class there is blood on the chair wipe it with my hand before anyone sees. Always helping the other girls “Can you check me” stand up and turn around, the unspoken blood code. First year uni, sleep with someone I really like, period comes during sex, blood everywhere. Mortified. Trying on bathers in Myer, wasn’t wearing undies, bleed into bathers I don’t even want to buy. Crumple them up and hide them from the shop assistant. Just moved out of home, paid rent and bond. Broke and cramping. On my way to work stop to buy pads. Backpacking in Spain, 12 bed dorm, bleed in the sheets. Looks like someone has been stabbed. Take the sheets to the front desk. Charge me extra for cleaning. At work, cramping feel like I stink. Want to cry, can’t leave coz casually employed and need to pay rent. Working in Kuala Lumpur, its 40 degrees, first time being on my own, anxious as hell, get my period, search every store for tampons. Find out no tampons in Malaysia. It’s so hot pads give me a rash. On the plane get my period, long haul flight, ask the hostess for a tampon. “We don’t have any madam it’s the passenger’s responsibility” use a refresher towel that comes with the meal. Partner and I get a new bed, expensive as fuck, bleed on to it. Stain the mattress. Sleep in two pairs and undies and a towel. Attend a hippie festival, get my period. Fuck it, bleed into my pants. Saturate my tent. Belly so swollen looks like I’m pregnant. Cant fit into anything, bleed through my pad during job interview. Only have $10 tillTuesday. Take the tampons to the counter, $4.50 with a $10 minimum on EFTPOS the shop assistant says, I don’t have cash. Plead with her she won’t budge, have to buy jellybeans to make the goddam difference. Blame menstruation entirely on the shop assistant, yell at her “Where is the fucking justice?” feel awful about it. Sit in a lane and only eat my favourite jellybeans from the packet, the red ones.