Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS WRITER
The first time was the hardest. It got easier after that. Or maybe it was just that the shock had worn off and she knew what to expect. It didn’t mean that she liked it or wanted it, just that it was easier. Easier to remove her ‘self’ from the situation. Her body was going through the motions but her mind was removed. She was running through a field of wild flowers or flying through the air like an eagle. Anywhere really…anywhere but here.
The green fan lay on the dresser. She got up from the bed and walked towards it. The temperature dropped as evening fell. She closed the windows and pulled a silk gown around her body, tying it at her waist. He had left a $10 bill next to the fan on the dresser. It was also green. Green used to be her favourite colour. Now it just reminded her of where she was; what she had become. Her old life was a distant memory. Sometimes she wondered if it was real or is she had dreamt it.
She picked up the fan. It was difficult to believe that she had been so happy when he first gave it to her. He had seemed so generous back then. Fun even. He tried to make her laugh often. He wanted to please her. Or so it had seemed at the time. She was too young to realise what was really happening. Too young, or maybe too stupid. Her parents weren’t much better. He had sucked them in with his smooth talk and promises of a better life for her. His lies.
She flicked the fan open and waved it back and forth in front of her face. She looked at her reflection in the mirror of the dresser.
Claustrophobia gripped her and she ran to the window and threw it open again. She felt like she had been a prisoner in this room. In many ways, she had. She only left to use the bathroom and eat her meals. This was her life now. She hated it and she hated him. She hated this fucking green fan. Hated the way it made her feel, the memories it dragged up.
Happy and relaxed, that’s how she used to be. She didn’t recognise herself anymore. Wasn’t sure who she was now; what he had turned her into. Right now, she felt like a caged lion, pacing. She had accepted this as something she had no control over but now she was starting to feel something else. Some hidden strength that she didn’t know she had was starting to push its way into her conscience. She was starting to feel something.
Finally she felt that maybe she had a choice. It might not be a great choice, but it was her choice. She could take the power over her life from him. It seemed so simple now. She knew what she had to do. She went to the open window and carefully climbed up onto the window ledge. She looked at the street below. She heard the birds singing and felt the warmth of the sun caress her cheek. She thought of her parents back in their little village in China. She wished she could be there now. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and jumped.
Unbeknownst to her, a cart carrying a load of hay was passing just as she jumped. She landed right in the middle of it. No one was more surprised than she was. She sat up and her eyes found the window that had been the opening to her world, receding into the distance. Her heart pounded and she wasn’t sure what to think. Nothing made sense. She had thought her life was ending but now it seemed it may just be beginning.