Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer
Once upon a time there was a sad and lonely woman who lived alone with 15 cats and lots of rats and mice and moths and spiders and cockroaches. She lived in a creaky wooden house down a little lane filled with holly and jasmine. She loved all her animals very much, even when they would sometimes eat each other.
Everyday she would go to her boring job in data processing where she sorted out lots of numbers in a way that meant something to someone, but nothing to her. She ate lunch at her cubicle desk and spoke to no one. At 5pm she would walk home through the rainy streets of the town, and down the jasmine scented lane to her little house where the cats and rats and insects and spiders were waiting for her. After everyone had eaten dinner and settled for the night, she would most nights play music and dance around her lounge room. She would dance the song of longing and loneliness. She didn’t know what else to do with this pain in her heart.
Sometimes, if she felt more calm, she would let the cats comfort her. As they snuggled and purred on her lap, she felt their gentleness and warmth seep into her bones and her heart would soften and purr with them. But around people, her heart remained locked behind rusty iron gates.
Her heart had been open once, many years ago. She had come into the world full of wonder, and she had danced and sung in a chorus of others. And there was a special love once too. They had busted each other open with joy and tenderness and the golden light of love. She had not felt truly alive til she met this man.
But one day he left. And never returned. Many months later she discovered he had gone away with another woman. He had broken their golden bond. Her heart was ripped open and crushed. Still today, many years later, she feels pieces of their broken love in her heart, like shards of shattered glass. She never cleaned the wound. She left the glass inside and let the grass grow over it. And put a big iron fence around it so no one would ever come poking around in there again.
One wet windy day, when she was walking home, she saw a small child sitting in the gutter in her yellow raincoat and yellow rain hat. Her little yellow body heaved and sobbed and shivered with sadness. Her head was in her hands and her cries pulled at the heart.
The woman wanted to keep walking. She didn’t want to talk to this miserable child. “I have nothing to offer anyone. What can I say to this wretch? I am so full of sadness myself.”. But as she went to pass by,the child looked up.. In that instant, the woman felt a shock go through her body, like an electric current. Looking back at her from under the yellow rain hat, were billowing blue eyes washed clean by thousands of tears. She knew these eyes, there was something so familiar about them, but she couldnt say what…..
Without thinking about it, she knelt down in the rain and hugged the wet and crying child. And then, she herself began to cry. But this time, her tears were not for herself. “it’s ok little girl. What’s wrong? Why are you so sad?”
The blue eyes fixed on her. But the child didn’t speak. Her bottom lip still shaking and sniffling.
“come,” said the woman. “I live very close, just down the lane. Come and get warm in front of the fire, and I’ll make you a nice rich hot chocolate.”
The child’s face became a little brighter, a flicker of a smile on her lips. She followed the woman down the lane and into the creaky old house. The moment she opened the door, all 15 cats burst out in a ball of fur and meows and purring and rubbing themselves against legs and door frames and tables. The child broke out into a toothy smile and patted and tickled them, giggling with delight. The woman watched her as she stoked the fire and then poured the thick creamy chocolate into 2 mugs. They sat together on the old sofa, together with all the 15 cats, and felt the warm sweetness in their mouths and trickling down into their tummys. The woman put her arm around the child, and together they fell asleep covered in purring cats and full of contentment.
Then the woman had a dream.
She was running to the top of a big grassy hill sprinkled with daisies. The sun was high in the indigo sky, fluffy white clouds keeping pace with her. Huff and puff, her legs were strong and fast, her tweed skirt flying about her legs. Up and up,,without slowing, she ran all the way. And at last she came to the summit, and from there she could see the whole world. The little farms below, and forests and the blue river winding to the great sea beyond. And she heard the seagulls swooping over the great cliffs, and saw the great crashing waves and smelt their salty breath. And she could see further, into villages and houses and shops and schools where all the people of the world lived out their lives. And she could see still further, into the hearts and minds and dreams of every person. She saw a mother with her newborn, sleeping softly in her arms. She saw folk at the market bartering and bantering and feeling belonging and joy with their friends. She saw the squealing delight of the school playground.
But she also saw the child left out and teased. And the grieving mother who’s child had passed away. And the lover left behind.
And because of that she started to see the sadness that lives in all people sometimes. And that this kind of sadness was as real and noble as happiness.
Suddenly, she felt a shift in the breezes, and she began to feel less alone in the world.
In that moment, her heart fluttered and trembled in her chest, and with a deep pain, began to shake off the scabs of self pity and suffering, and the dirt and grass that had grown over it and the iron fence that and imprisoned it for so long.
She began to let in the air and the sunshine and the rain and all of the beauty of the world. And there, behind the iron fence and under the dirt, was her long buried heart, it’s tender pink skin glowing softly. Then a strange and wondrous thing began to happen: the pieces of glass buried deep inside began to dissolve in the moonlight.
Suddenly, a drop of water fell on her hand. She looked up from the grassy summit and saw the turning of the sky, now heavy with black rain. “time to go” she thought, still floating in the glowing rapture of her newborn heart. More drops. She looked down at her arm. She was wearing a yellow raincoat.