Another brilliant piece from a GUNNAS WRITING MASTERCLASS writer
When people start to get to know me and find out all the things my partner and I juggle in our lives (parenting three children, one of whom is our foster, I am currently doing a degree, between us we hold down several jobs, we have a beautiful staffy named Soren and a thriving veggie garden, we are committed to active involvement in our local community, and we each have lots of other projects on the side) I often hear “oh, you’re so good… I could never do what you do” and I never really know how to react. Yes, we have a lot on and it takes quite a lot of work making sure our foster daughter sees her dad and goes to counselling, and that our other children are travelling okay, but really, we’re just living our lives. I know it is a big deal because we have helped to change the life of a little girl and that is ace, but day to day? We are just getting along like any other family with its stresses and shitty times and great times.
We do things that might seem a bit reckless to other people. We have always lived by the philosophy that there will never be a perfect time to do things so just do the thing and figure out the logistics later. We made a choice to take a risk when we volunteered to be foster parents. We had a 5 year old and a new baby and we were on one very meagre income (still are!) and so, if we were planning and thinking strategically about it we never would have done it. But we did it anyway and made it work. If we hadn’t have done it, it would have been one of those deathbed regrets that no one wants to have. I now have three wonderful children that I love equally. I cannot imagine my life without my darling April.
Last year I attended Clare Bowditch’s Big Hearted Business Conference and among a whole heap of amazing inspiration, I was really challenged by something said by leadership expert, Fabien Dattner. She said she has banned the word “busy” from her vocabulary because it has so many negative connotations.
Busy = crazy, chaotic, being out of control and frustration. It means you feel like you’re missing out on the things you want to do.
Instead she chooses to say “my life is full of the things I choose to have in it”. She also talked about balance…and this is something I am working on in my own life constantly, she says:
“If you’re always worried about juggling and balancing, you don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing”
This really hit home for me because of all of my commitments and responsibilities. I constantly feel like I have seven balls in the air at any one time. I’m sure people who know me and my family would forgive me for talking about my chaotic life. But I decided right there and then that I was also going to banish the word “busy” and to stop feeling like I am a victim of circumstance.
I have taken on Fabien’s advice to reframe my experience and now, when I start to feel overwhelmed with everything I take a step back, often by myself in a café, and say “My life is full of the things I have allowed to be in it, I am not too busy, I have exactly the right things in my life”. And thinking like this also helps me recognise when things should NOT be in my life and to do what needs to be done to remove unhelpful things.
We live by the seat of our pants, knowing that there is never a perfect time to live life, so we’re just living it now and having a bloody ace time of it. I sincerely encourage you to do the same.