When my sons were in primary school they used to talk Brunswick Mums and Lygon St Ladies.
We recently discovered they are the same thing.
Here is a guide to how they are identified according to my sons. Namaste.
Do you wear:
a) Denim skirts with colored patches?
b) Gardening boots with socks pulled up high?
c) Stupid hair clip shit in your hair?
d) All of the above.
Do you accessorise with:
a) Cardigans?
b) Large colored beads?
c) Glasses? (They all wear glasses, Mum.)
d) All of the above.
(BONUS points if they are purchased from an op shop, hand made or the result of a clothes swap transaction.)
Is your job:
a) Working in a café?
b) A bullshit writing job writing shit no one cares about?
c) Drinking coffee and talk about feminism?
d) Something involving chunky shoes and/or emotions and/or writing grant applications?
Do you have a crocheted blanket over the back of your couch?
a) Yes.
b) No.
c) Good idea.
Do you:
a) Have a partner you crack the shits with for not checking their privilege enough?
b) Love recycling hard rubbish collections and compost?
c) Go to an all women book group made up entirely of women with one syllable names?
d) Have one of the following names; Lou, Jo, Mon, Liz, Cath, Jane, Mish, Sooz, Rach, Bridge, Mars, Fi or Em?
When speaking to a child, have you ever said:
a) ‘Are you making the right choices?’
b) ‘Thats a ‘sometimes food’’?
c) ‘Would you like some more hummus?’
d) ‘Is this your friend Jasper?’
Do you:
a) Have a small dog called Sophie?
b) Have children named Milo, Amelia, Sunday or Arlo?
c) Own a vibrator you keep hidden from your partner?
d) Consider yourself ‘monogamish’ and/or ‘heteroflexible’ and/or ‘bi-curious’ but that’s as far as it’s ever gone?
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Are your turn ons:
a) Step through bikes with baskets?
b) Coffee?
c) Gardening, farmers markets and chooks?
d) Refugees?
e) Writer’s festivals, scarves and menstrual cups?
Are your turn offs:
a) People who don’t check their privilege?
b) Big corporations?
c) Other people’s children?
d) Screen time despite the fact you spend all your time on Facebook, Etsy, the Guardian and Pinterest?
e) Excessive packaging?
Do you know the meanings of these words?
a) Bunting
b) Yarn bombing
c) Quinoa
d) Kombucha
Have you ever:
a) Played the ukelele?
b) Purchased duck fat?
c) Done extended breastfeeding?
d) Holidayed in Vietnam?
e) Tried Bikram yoga?
Do you own:
a) Cushions with triangles on them?
b) Several pairs of wooden Swedish clog shoes?
c) A car with a 3RRR sticker on it?
d) A mortar and pestle?
Do you like:
a) Fermented anything?
b) Free range anything?
c) Sour dough anything?
d) Saltwater sandals?
Is your hobby:
a) Craft?
b) Hand dying colored tights?
c) Making soy candles?
d) Slow cooking?
How many of the following do you own?
a) Clare Bowditch albums
b) Cross-body bags.
c) Wooden brooches
d) Pairs of Camper shoes
How often do you go to Nova Cinema?
a) Once a month
b) Weekly
c) Every day
d) The book was better
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