- Marriage. What a crock. Tuesday, February 3rd, 2015
I’m against gay marriage. I’m against straight marriage. I’m against marriage full stop. Why are we hanging on to this relic of an anachronistic system (which still reeks of misogyny and bigotry), established so men could own women to ensure their estates and titles were passed on to their kids – sorry, their sons? Maybe ...
Read more - Campbell Newman gets cops to heavy Deveny over Twitter comments Friday, January 9th, 2015
Yesterday the cops came over. I wasn’t here. They left their card with my teenage son who was home from school. I assume watching porn and mastubating into socks. The cops told Dom to get me to give them a call. They were from the criminal investigation unit.
It was one of those flat knacker days ...
Read more - Road Trip Hume Highway Friday, December 26th, 2014
I love town slogans. On a trip to Bland to visit the Bland Museum a few years back (don’t ask), the ones I remember were: Albury – A Proud Seat Belt Wearing Community; Gympie – Free Regulated Parking; and Narrandera – Home Of The World’s Largest Playable Guitar. It’s no wonder they call this place ...
Read more - 50 Shades Of Mango Saturday, December 13th, 2014
OH MY GOD!
Did you hear that?
It’s mango season o’clock!
I know. Shake out the sarong, grab those cheap and cheerful sunglasses and slap on your holiday hat! Golden fever has arrived! Hallelujah!
Bright, sunny, yellowy, silky, luscious goodness. It’s enough to make an atheist like me feel as if there really is a god. Intelligent design? Mangos are exotic pleasure incarnate. ...
Read more - Chadstone. No one gets out alive. Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014
Chadstone is the largest shrine to Mammon in Australia. So I went to find out whether the population of Australia (the amount of people who visit each year) could be wrong.
They are. Or I am. You choose.
Chadstone is a metastasised tumour of offensive proportions that’s easy to find. You simply follow the line of dead-eyed ...
Read more - Bed Therapy Inez de Vega – an essay. Thursday, November 27th, 2014
An essay I wrote on working in the city for Bed Therapy, Georges Mora Fellow Inez de Vega’s remarkable ACCA art installation.
Why erect a warm, cosy bed in a shipping container where a total stranger can unload their fears, hopes and troubles to another total stranger?
Why create a bubble of calm and connection, a soft ...
Read more - Eulogy For A Bad Father Thursday, November 20th, 2014
My partner and I both had toxic, abusive fathers. We were in love when we were 18 and became smug retrosexuals in 2010.
Two days before we reunited his dad had died. “Dad died on Tuesday” was one of the first things he said. “Good” I replied. The speech he made at his father’s funeral made me fall ...
Read more - I Hate Halloween Wednesday, October 29th, 2014
It’s not a cookie. It’s a biscuit.
It’s not candy. It’s a lolly.
It’s not a butt. It’s a bum.
It’s not a diaper. It’s a nappy.
It’s not 911. It’s 000.
It’s not a thong. It’s a g-string.
They’re not flip flops. They’re thongs.
It’s not wait up. It’s wait for me.
It’s not zee. It’s zed.
It’s not soda. It’s soft drink.
It’s ...
Read more - The Rainbow Houses Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014
Forward from Stamping Ground-Stories Of The Northern Suburbs Of Melbourne (text used in the 2014 HSC English exam.)
‘I grew up in Reservoir. If you are not familiar with Reservoir it’s not a place where people live it’s a place where people’s cousins who just got out of jail live. And it’s the only place in the world ...
Read more - 3AW. No, I will not work for you for free. Tuesday, October 21st, 2014
Young female producer emailed me a while back asking if I would like to talk on 3AW about private schools.
I said “Sure, $500.”
She said “We don’t pay for interviews.”
Me “Like you I do not work for free.”
She said “Lots of people would come on 3AW simply for the exposure they would get from it. ”
Me ...
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I’m against gay marriage. I’m against straight marriage. I’m against marriage full stop. Why are we hanging on to this relic of an anachronistic system (which still reeks of misogyny and bigotry), established so men could own women to ensure their estates and titles were passed on to their kids – sorry, their sons? Maybe ...
